he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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