think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize