Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think i peed on brittanys purse
where does the pee come out of this thing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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