Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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