but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
