so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
