I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
