I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize