That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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