I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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