Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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