I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
