Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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