I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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