I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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