so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
