If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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