Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
