And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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