the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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