a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would ride that face into the sunset
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
