Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
