if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
