I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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