just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
