just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
