Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
