it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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