no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You smell like stripper and shame
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
