this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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