I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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