My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
