You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
