i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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