I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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