im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
