I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
