sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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