well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
