I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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