My hand turned me down
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
