Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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