Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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