I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
