Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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