I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
