I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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