sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
