im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
