if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
