dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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