What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i think i just lost a toe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
