I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
