Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
