I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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