How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
