My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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