from now on my penis is your penis
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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