1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
