you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
