vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
