some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
