He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
