I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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