After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
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multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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