dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
