Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
