are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Found your dick twin last night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
