i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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