theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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