Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So here I am, sexting at work.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
