The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
