he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
