It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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