I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
