I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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