There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
