I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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